A deceitfully overwrought premise, bargain-basement plot, and paint-by-numbers characters add up to a Valentine’s Day film disaster. The lipstick on this donkey is provided by a bunch of photogenic, fairly talented actors. Yet even Brando and Hepburn couldn’t do much with this concoction that seems like it was stillborn in a Five and Under store.
Jason (Zac Ephron), Daniel (Miles Teller) and Mikey (Michael B Jordan) are three self-appointed studs who vow to “stay single” and not indulge their “rosters” of hookup partners with more than twice a week conjugal visits. “Dating”–who needs it? Jason points out there also comes a time, usually right after coitus, when a gal will begin a conversation with “So…” as in “so where is this going?” and at that time, continues Jason, it’s time to call it off and head for the hills.
Things get testy when Jason meets Ellie (Imogen Potts) and Daniel grows fonder and fonder of his sex-pal Chelsea (Mackenzie Davis). So they sneak their increasingly relationship-oriented behavior from each other, as does Mikey, who sneaks trysts with his estranged wife. The comedy lies in their trying to hide all this commitment stuff from each other. Got that?
Since it’s obviously not enough to hold together a film, we’re also inundated with numerous “hooker” jokes, smelly bathroom barbs, our dudes bursting in on each other while having sex, a stolen key to Grammercy Park, and a sight gag involving an incongruous sex toy. Then, in the spirit of meticulously avoiding an appearance of a relationship with Ellie, Jason decides to skip her dad’s funeral because it would clearly spell “girlfriend.” This creates the need for a crybaby scene of rapprochement, one of any in the film, none believable in the slightest, all of them offensive to intelligence. The girls here forgive at the drop of a hat for no apparent reason. Further annoying is all the smutty verbal references are accompanied by curiously chaste sex scenes. Better hold up on any nudity or people may get the wrong idea, director Tom Gormican seems to be saying.
Teller, in between a fine performance in The Spectacular Now, and another in the forthcoming Sundance winner, Whiplash, seems to be overqualified here. Nonetheless, he seems to be enjoying himself playing opposite the intriguing Davis, who demonstrates a vivid screen presence. What do I make of the cast seeming to have so much fun?…So?