What do talented cast members Natalie Portman, Kevin Kline, Greta Gerwig (Greenberg), Olivia Thirlby (Juno) and Ludacris have in common?…An utter inabilty to save No Strings Attached from strutting itself into January oblivion. Something about a freaking hook-up-without-any-relationship-trappings romance or, emotion-free non-romance that turns romantic, while all the while Kevin Kline as Ashton Kutcher’s celebrity father, keeps stealing his son’s ex-girlfriends.

Multiple ex-girlfriends but not our dear Portman, who remains chaste in her “sex-only, Ashton, I’m-a-busy-medical-resident” stance and sees through Kline in a flash…. Question is, what’s Portman doing in this movie? Is her post-traumatic Black Swan-stress disorder this acute that she lost all perspective in what constitutes an acceptable dumb movie? Did Barbara Hershey and Mila Kunis knock all sense out of the Harvard grad?

Director Ivan Reitman, who actually produced the outstanding Up In The Air last year, here Loses! All! Perspective! Perhaps we needed Kutcher’s real-life wife Demi Moore to play a jilted ex-lover of Kline who comes after him to avenge his inconsideration for son Ashton’s feelings. Then we’d be in the turf of intentional camp humor. In this film the camp is unintentional and not a little pathetic.

2 “stars” out of 10

What do talented cast members Natalie Portman, Kevin Kline, Greta Gerwig (Greenberg), Olivia Thirlby (Juno) and Ludacris have in common?…An utter inabilty to save No Strings Attached from strutting itself into January oblivion. Something about a freaking hook-up-without-any-relationship-trappings romance or, emotion-free non-romance that turns romantic, while all the while Kevin Kline as Ashton Kutcher’s celebrity father, keeps stealing his son’s ex-girlfriends.

Multiple ex-girlfriends but not our dear Portman, who remains chaste in her “sex-only, Ashton, I’m-a-busy-medical-resident” stance and sees through Kline in a flash…. Question is, what’s Portman doing in this movie? Is her post-traumatic Black Swan-stress disorder this acute that she lost all perspective in what constitutes an acceptable dumb movie? Did Barbara Hershey and Mila Kunis knock all sense out of the Harvard grad?

Director Ivan Reitman, who actually produced the outstanding Up In The Air last year, here Loses! All! Perspective! Perhaps we needed Kutcher’s real-life wife Demi Moore to play a jilted ex-lover of Kline who comes after him to avenge his inconsideration for son Ashton’s feelings. Then we’d be in the turf of intentional camp humor. In this film the camp is unintentional and not a little pathetic.

2 “stars” out of 10