Identity Thief gains no bonus points by flaunting its idiocy. From an utterly inane concept to an essentially senseless execution, Seth Gordon’s follow-up to his infinitely funnier Horrible Bosses exists mostly on its own planet of ineptness. Do you like Melissa McCarthy? Check out Bridesmaids or This Is 40 for a more concentrated dose of her crude schtick without this film’s headscratching premise or its patronizing sentimentality. What, you like her enough you’re willing to be the masochist for this film’s sappy shenanigans and mannered malarkey? Just consider a guy (the hapless Jason Bateman) decides to travel from his home in Denver to Florida, where he’ll confront and basically kidnap the thief of his identity (McCarthy) in order to–what?–bring her back so she can confess to his boss (John Cho) and keep him in good standing at his new job. Seems his credit rating has dived “as low as a homeless person.” Then, the plan goes, he’ll sneakily bring the cops in and get her arrested.
McCarthy sucker punches guys in the throat numerous times in what can best be described as a Moe from the Three Stooges move. She effortlessly manipulates Bateman, dodges two different enemies who are looking to kill her and Bateman (don’t ask) and finally talks Bateman into joining her in credit card fraud by posing as a bigwig (John Favreau) who once treated him poorly. Of course, Bateman only decided to go along with the stunt because he lost all his money when he left his pants behind after getting attacked by a friggin’ snake when he and McCarthy, suddenly carless, were forced to take a shortcut hike deep in the woods. The film, meanwhile, goes deeper and deeper in the weeds.
The most ridiculous moment might be McCarthy and Bateman enjoying a 5-star hotel in St. Louis with the stolen credit card. It doesn’t take an ignoramus to figure out the phony card will be discovered pronto so the worst thing in the whole wide world is naturally to stay in one place and wait to get caught. No worries. McCarthy breaks out of a police car by smashing its window and the dynamic duo walk down some magic staircase to freedom while the cops are distracted by one of the pursuing killers (remember them?)….It gets worse. Bateman and the ever-normal Amanda Pete, as his wife, ultimately take a shining to McCarthy, allow her to ingratiate herself to their kids, and give her the utmost respect–all for no apparent reason other than she was an orphan who caught a bad break. Oh boy oh boy oh boy—McCarthy’s acting like a freaky chick again. Mere sputtering through the motions, I say.
