Trying to come off as simultaneously cynical and warm-and-fuzzy, D-Train succeeds somewhat tantamount to a flat tire. Starting with an insipid premise, and scaling new heights in screenplay vapidness, the new Jack Black vehicle possesses a jittery, shifting point of view and a horrid plausibility quotient. Its main character, Dan Landsman (Black), part schizoid and part sociopath, is a low self esteem schlub who tries to make up for being a high school nobody by taking the reins as the chairman of the 20th Class Reunion Committee. It’s an admittedly vainglorious job title yet Dan seems to have somehow seized the position rather than have gotten elected to it. After all, he’s so unpopular the rest of the committee avoid inviting him for post-meeting drinks. His idea of witty banter is miraculously even dumber than Will Farrell’s in Get Hard.
Even dumber is Dan’s boss Bill Shurmur (Jeffrey Tambor), who is somehow duped by Black into thinking a huge business deal is in the works in Los Angeles. The running gag is Bill is a total Luddite regarding online technology. First time directors Jarrad Paul and Andrew Mogel stretch this already flimsy idea into basically making Bill a total idiot. You see, Dan needs to go to L. A. to recruit the high school cool guy, Oliver Lawless (James Marsden) for the reunion and he needs to get there without his wife knowing he’s a lunkhead who would take a mission of that sort so seriously. So he lies to his boss about a fictitious deal. Only Bill decides to come along on the trip, too. All of which is some strange shit since he also decides to do absolutely no due diligence whatsoever on the impending deal. If you’re starting to get the idea that this film resembles a queasy train wreck, you’re not far off.
Black, who fairly recently has done some of his very best work (Richard Linklater’s excellent Bernie), has a yeoman’s job to attempt to keep the screenplay from showing its true colors. He fails as miserably as the rest of this production. And now for the SPOILER:
Dan, the pathetic victim of much high school wrath, receives revenge of sorts when he not only convinces Lawless–now an L.A. actor–to hang out with him but also to attend the reunion. He also gets swept into a sexual alliance with Lawless, and it’s from here on the film quickly goes off the rails. Lawless also impersonates the CEO from the fictitious deal, too, so the business deal scam suddenly preposterously takes on a new existence mainly as a backdrop for Dan and Oliver’s bickering. Days go by and Bill thinks the deal is still on. Ha ha.
Deciding to go with the least honest denouement wins the film no further favors. It goes from almost thoughtful edgy to Disney-esque cliche in no time flat. Dan is, in turn, wimpy love struck, vindictive jilted lover, and, finally, mature, lesson-learned wise man–presto! The film’s title is also a quandary. For lack of a better, it may have something to do with Dan’s 14-year-old son’s overcoming his trepidation about taking part in a threesome. Or it may not. For that matter, D-Train may just suck. Or it may suck on multiple levels priming itself for year-end Ten Worst Lists ….I’m thinking the latter.